“Let’s warm up with jumping jacks”, said the running group leader. “No problem”, I thought. While jumping, I turned to look goofily at my daughter who was with me. Mid-turn, my leg gave out and I suddenly and obviously fell to the pavement. “I’m good!” I cheerfully said while pulling myself off the ground in front of 20 women and girls I didn’t know very well. My knee wasn’t painful, but wasn’t entirely right either. But I pressed on, my daughter ran off and I went walking with a few women.
While walking, I turned to chat and boom-down again! Once more a smiling, “I’m fine” came out of my mouth as I hoisted myself off the gravel a bit slower this time. Three miles later I was okay, until it gave out a few more times at home. I finally whispered to my husband, “I think I did something to my knee.”
Fast forward a few months–past the Dr.’s appointments, MRI, and PT to help me identify if I want to live with a stable, but torn ACL or have surgery. I realized my knee is fairly stable, but it’s only functional, not optimal. It is time for surgery.
Can I live with it? Yes.
Do I want to? Not anymore.
I want more for my life. I want to live an optimal existence and this knee is hindering me. Optimal and not just functional is how I want to live for Jesus as well.
Jesus told them, “This is the only work God wants from you: Believe in the one he has sent.” ~John 6:29 NLT
Even though I can make my leg stronger with rehab exercises, I can’t fix the problem. Only surgery can. In life, I can try but can’t fix the problem of my sin. Only Jesus can. All I need to DO in this life is believe in Jesus. That’s it. When I let go of trying so hard and just believe in Him, my life becomes optimal. But letting go is easier said than done.
I like to Do, be in control, know and understand everything. I’m a planner. While that can take me part of the way, it doesn’t take me all of the way. I need Jesus. I need to let go, believe and trust in Him and His grace. Then, I can do what He wants me to do. It all begins with a surrendering faith and trust in Him.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take. ~ Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT
Just like I need to trust the surgeon with my surgery, I need to trust God with my life. I cannot rely on my own understanding because my understanding is limited. I need to depend and trust in God with everything.
Jesus says come and follow. He doesn’t say where, when or how we’ll get there. The times in my life when I have believed and followed without understanding have been the most amazing. It didn’t make sense, I felt uneasy, even scared. But God opens doors I never knew existed. He gives a peace that surpasses understanding when I follow Him.
When I believe, trust and seek Him, He shows me which path to take. Sounds like the optimal and not just functional life I desire.